yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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