dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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