Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
