I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
