You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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