It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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