If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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