my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
