i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
