Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
