I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
