im six kinds of drunk right now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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