just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
