She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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