In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
