there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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