singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
