he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
