There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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