I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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