enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
