S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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