We're facebook friends in real life
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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