Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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