i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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