I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
