I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
