I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
