I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
