did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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