I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
