Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
