i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
