I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
