you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i think my cat just said my name.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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