Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
