capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
