Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
