i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
