She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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