I love black thongs
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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