Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
