he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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