I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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