New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
