i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
