just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
