I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
