The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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