i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
