Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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