Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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