i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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