I hate all girls vehemently.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
