I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
