I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
