the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
