I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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