your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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