i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Still dying that you shit outside
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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