dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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