first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
