True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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