singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
