My sheets look like a crime scene.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
