Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
