Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
