yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
