have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
