I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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