I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
