Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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