If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
